What The F*ck Is Love? And How Do We Stay In It?

27 Feb

What The F*ck Is Love? Ado We Stay In It?

Falling into “love”, or out of “love”, isn’t a real thing. It’s a subjective thing. We use the word “love” like it’s something we all measure and experience the same way, but obviously that’s not true.
What you think “love” means will not be the same thing that I think “love” means because the very word it’s self isn’t quite a real thing.
It’s subjective. It’s personal.
If I point at a dog and say, “that’s a dog,” it’s not likely someone is going to disagree with me. A “dog” isn’t an subjective thing; it’s a specific thing.
But “love” isn’t the same thing.
“Love” is just a word we’ve invented to express feelings and emotions and desires and passions and the insanity of our actions when we do stupid things.
“Oh, he ran into that burning building to save his kids because he loves them.”
But the reality is that it doesn’t take love to run into a burning building… it takes a little bit of insanity. It takes a man who’s willing to ignore the logic that he’s going to hurt himself simply because his emotions dictate that the pain of losing his kids would actually feel worse than 3rd degree burns to his body.
His expected emotional pain supersedes his expected physical pain. He doesn’t “think” he just “reacts.” It’s pure emotions.
Love isn’t logical. It’s emotional. And like I always say, don’t trust your emotions.
Talking about “love” is like talking about heat. It’s subjective.
Does heat feel good?
When you’re cold and shivering heat feels AWESOME.
But when you’re sweating and exhausted and you have a fever, then heat feels AWFUL!
Love is the same. When you’re “in love” we tend to say we feel great, and when we fall “out of love” we tend to feel sad or lonely or disconnected.
It’s all subjective.

Rapport happens between people who share common beliefs and ideas, or who are willing to deeply listen to the beliefs and ideas of each other. There are VERY few things in this world as comforting as being truly heard.
We all desire it.
And it all starts when we’re little kids trying to get the attention of our parents or friends.
This is why being a good listener is a powerful dating skill… when a woman or a man truly feels like you’re feeling the same things they are they feel a deep comfort and connection with you. And if he/she returns the favor by actively listening to you talk and share then you’ll feel the same way.
It feels awesome.
Rapport makes us feel safe and comfortable, and connected. We can never loose that.

Attraction is a feeling of tension between two people, except instead of labeling that tension as negative we sometimes label it as attraction. Feeling nervous is like this… we can label it negatively or we can just say, “Oh, I’m excited!”
If tension is about mystery then rapport is about knowing everything. These two aspects of dating seem in conflict, but they work together to make couples “fall in love.”
Without attraction (tension, mystery, etc) then rapport leads to friendships, not sexual partnerships.
Attraction comes from the teasing, flirting, and playfulness.

Preventative Measures?

1) Learn how to be a good listener. Invite him/her to connect with you emotionally outside of the bedroom first. It’s YOUR job to listen to his/her troubles… not because they wants you to solve them – just to be available for your love to share with you. We all just want to be heard sometimes, so let the person truly feel heard when he/she’s talking to you. Develop intimacy outside of the bedroom.
2) If you feel you’re losing connection and rapport don’t panic. Simply be sincere and honest and thoughtful and hopeful. When in doubt, hear him/her out.
3) Take responsibility for yourself. It’s YOUR job to stay healthy, wealthy and wise. This means you need to always be trying to eat better, stay physically active, and mentally challenged. Keeping yourself healthy will help keep him/her attracted to you automatically. We’re all attracted to other people who do well, look good, and are fun to be around. Don’t lose your hunger to make yourself a better person. If you’re not busy living then you’re busy dying.
4) Surprise him/her more often. Not with gifts, although once in a blue moon is good, but by being unpredictable. Don’t be predictable, be surprising. Women/Men LOVE to be surprised, even by the smallest of things. Buy him/her something cute and have it wrapped. Do random fun things. Stay random.
5) Flirt. Let him/her know how hot he/she still is.
6) Resentment kills relationships. If he/she’s doing something that you can’t forgive them for, then address it. Then let it go. Every time the person accidently hurts you (maybe during a fight) it’s YOUR job to be honest about how it hurts you when he/she does it. You should ALWAYS feel comfortable being able to complain to your partner about what they do that you dislike because if you don’t vent, you will resent. It’s ALSO your job to let it go. Forgive, you may not forget but you must forgive. You can either be right, or you can be in love. Don’t fight trying to be right.

Hope this helps!

Hugs & Kisses


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