RECAP THE 2012 AIDS WALK NEW YORK WITH INDY SMITH

RECAP THE 2012 AIDS WALK NEW YORK WITH INDY SMITH

Beyond a shadow of a doubt this year’s AIDS WALK NEW YORK was the best yet. From the beautiful energy to the huge turn out of supporters, it was obvious to all who attended that everyone truly cares about this important cause.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you my readers and everyone that supported the walk for on that wonderful day, and I wanted to share some of the photos and video I enjoyed creating.

I would like to thank again, Collectivebias, Duane Read and my dearest Lenny Green from 107.5 WBLS for all of the support. The day wouldn’t be the same without your support!

Hugs & Kisses
Indy Smith

“REALITY OF LOVE” Radio Personality Indy Smith Takes Part In The 2012 AID’s Walk New York

Radio Personality and Co-Host of “Reality of Love” w/ Lenny Green Indy Smith teams up with AID’s Walk New York, Duane Reade & Collectivebias to walk the walk. ‘In my line of work I’m always talking, well this weekend it’s all about the walk. I’m so excited to announce that I will be taking part in AIDS WALK NEW YORK. With my “Reality Of Love” Team supporting my efforts I take pride in supporting this tremendously important cause.

Is Your Relationship Perfect On The Surface But Full Of Flaws

Have you ever been in a relationship, which on the surface seemed perfect, but there was still that one thing about him/her you were still iffy about? Maybe he/she has a hard time apologizing, or you’re not sure if the other person is fully committed to you. Everybody has flaws, but when it comes to love, there are several characteristics you should never have to settle for.
The Non-Apologetic
It can be hard to deal with people who never apologize. Being able to admit that you’re wrong and take ownership for your actions is a sign of maturity. If your boyfriend or girlfriend never apologizes when you express that they’ve hurt you, this could be a serious red flag.
You should be with someone who will show empathy when you’re down and will want to right his or her wrongs. If your mate hurts you in any way or does something to upset you, he or she should make the effort to make it up to you. Don’t let your mate get away with everything. By always letting them off the hook, you’re only preventing them from staying hooked.

The Non-Committal
If you are with someone who wants you, but only on his/her own time, this could be a sign that he/she is not very committed to the relationship. It’s been said that men generally have a harder time committing to a relationship than do women. Unlike women who act based on their emotions, men are more logical about things. For example, women are more inclined to jump into a relationship because a guy makes her feel happy and secure. Men, on the other hand, need to make sure that the girl he ends up with possesses all the qualities he is looking for. As a result, he will spend more time playing the field before settling down.
Unless you are down with being friends with benefits or keeping things light and casual, you may want to pursue a relationship elsewhere.

The Guilt-tripper
This person is very good at manipulating you and toying with your emotions. He/She makes you feel like every problem the two of you have is your fault. He or she says the two of you are always fighting because he/she thinks you nitpick and complain too much. But really, you only complain because your mate can’t do the littlest things to show you they want to be with you, like being on time for a date. This constant blame game isn’t healthy and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. Who wants to be with a man or woman who places all the blame on you and makes it seem like everything’s your fault anyway? Find a new partner– one who will admit to his or her share in an argument.
The Uncompromisable
This arrogant person isn’t willing to negotiate when the two of you butt heads. If you are with a person who never compromises, you are treading dangerous waters. A person who doesn’t compromise can be hard to deal with. They pretty much believe that they are great just the way they are. As a result, they make no effort to improve and change their flaws because they believe that that’s how they’ve always been, therefore that’s how they will always be.
Being in a relationship is a great way for people to discover new things about themselves and develop better interpersonal skills. Since everyone is different, you constantly have to adjust yourself to that person. But if you’re boyfriend is unwilling to adjust himself to you, you will find yourself changing more and more things about you to fit what he needs. Relationships require compromise, not conformity.

The Parental Guardian
You already spent the first 18 to 30 years of your life living under your parents’ roof and abiding by their rules. Now your mate tells you that you dress too unflattering and you have to change they way you take everything to personal. “Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad. You always know just what to say.”
It can be frustrating when your boyfriend or girlfriend acts like your parent. Actually, it kind of sends shivers down your spine thinking about how much he or she reminds you of your parents. First of all, you’re an adult and don’t need someone to boss you around. Secondly, a partner who treats you like a child probably craves power and authority in the relationship. Don’t let them put you down because he /she is more experienced or thinks differently than you. Let him or her know you’re potty trained and you don’t need someone to change your diapers for you.

It Feels Like Love – But Is It?

It Feels Like Love – But Is It?
Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who’s right for you — and who thinks you’re right for him or her! So when it happens, you’re usually so psyched.
It’s totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that’s the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these seven qualities:
• Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you’re acting like someone you’re not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you’re not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person’s boundaries.
• Trust. You’re talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you’d never cheat on him? It’s OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There’s no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other.

Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it’s tough to trust someone when one of you isn’t being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you’ll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
• Support. It’s not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can’t take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
• Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner’s friends as often as you hang out with yours? It’s not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you’ll know if it isn’t a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
• Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn’t change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don’t, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
• Good communication. You’ve probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don’t seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase “no, nothing’s wrong” can have, depending on who’s saying it! But what’s important is to ask if you’re not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you’re afraid it’s not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you’re ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

SHOULD MEN & WOMEN HAVE OPPOSITE SEX FRIENDSHIPS WHEN IN RELATIONSHIPS?

DONT’S

1. No secrets! All parties should know each other and know about the friendship. If anything should change in the friendship, your spouse needs to know.

2. Time spent with the friend should never supersede time spent with your husband or wife, unless there is a dire emergency.

3. Never make an agreement that can’t be changed. The agreement should always be negotiable, so that if the friendship isn’t working for your spouse, it can always be modified or cancelled.

4. Never make your spouse feel that he/she isn’t the most important relationship to you. This is basically uncharted territory, so be aware and sensitive of your partner’s feelings.

5. Never put your friend’s needs first. By keeping your spouse as your number one priority, the mystery surrounding the friendship diminishes, and your spouse will more likely view the friend as a real person and not just a fantasy.

DO’S

1. To ensure comfort and trust, there needs to be a high level of maturity and self-esteem with all involved. Evaluate this with your spouse and really talk about everyone’s concerns and fears.

2. Ground rules need to be established from the beginning, i.e., what’s okay and what’s not for all the people involved. For instance, is it okay for the friends to get together when you or your spouse is out of town? How much time is spent with the friend on a monthly basis? What do the friends do together? Is dancing okay? Is dinner okay? Each couple will have their own individual concerns and questions to consider.

3. Everyone needs to be in agreement that it’s okay for the friendship to take place. No one should be left out of the process.

4. The person having the friendship needs to have strong, clear personal boundaries and open communication with their spouse and their friend. They need to be up front at all times with their husband or wife, letting him/her know when they’re seeing their friend, etc.

5. If the primary partner ever feels uncomfortable with the arrangement, he/she can speak up at any time. Their feelings and concerns need to be considered and taken seriously.

MORE SUGGESTIONS

1.Listen to your intuition. If you feel deep down that your friend has romantic feelings for you, do not pursue the platonic friendship.

2. Keep personal space and physical touch in check. Although the relationship may be more relaxed than a business client, keep the same amount of distance and space you would with your boss’s wife. Close proximity and intimate touch is reserved for your spouse alone.

3. Don’t discuss your spouse’s flaws with your friend. Even if you consider yourself very close friends, it’s a form of betrayal to vent to your friend about your spouse’s shortcomings, especially without addressing it with your spouse first.

4. Meet in public places at appropriate times of day. Just like mom used to say, “Nothing good happens after 1:00 a.m.,” the same holds true with your friend. Time and place is a consideration when meeting with your friend of the opposite gender.

5. Include your spouse in your plans. If it’s only platonic, there should be no problem with one more person tagging along.

6. Your spouse always comes first. If your relationship with your friend is causing marital strife, your first consideration should always be your mate.

In theory, most couples want their spouses to be happy and to have friends of the opposite sex. In reality, this can only happen by following ground rules. The main issues surrounding these friendships are usually jealousy and sex. If you can talk about your friend freely and make him/her a real person to your spouse, there is less likelihood of these types of problems occurring. Keep the lines of communication open at all times with everyone involved. Be honest with yourself about your ability to have good boundaries, and clarity about what is appropriate in a friendship and your marriage. There are differences. As long as everything is out in the open and with appropriate ground rules, friendships with the opposite sex are possible.

While there is no clear-cut answer to that age-old question of whether men and women can truly be just friends, for married people, the message is clear: tread carefully and keep your relationship with your spouse above all others. No matter how successfully you think you’re managing your marriage and your opposite-sex friendship, if your spouse thinks it’s a problem, then it is indeed a problem.

TUNE IN WWW.LENNYGREEN.COM @11PM (EST) every THURSDAY NIGHTS after “Kissing After Dark” to see me and Lenny Green on “The Reality Of Love” via LIVE Ustream in-studio at 98.7 Kiss FM

10 Steps To Keep The Romance Flowing In Your Relationship!

According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the “active listening” and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.

1. Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
2. Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
3. Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t jsut about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.

4. Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
5. Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
6. Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.

7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.
8. Make “alone time” a priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.
9. Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.
10. Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.

Does Facebook Contribute To Infidelity?

What The F*ck Is Love? And How Do We Stay In It?

What The F*ck Is Love? Ado We Stay In It?

Falling into “love”, or out of “love”, isn’t a real thing. It’s a subjective thing. We use the word “love” like it’s something we all measure and experience the same way, but obviously that’s not true.
What you think “love” means will not be the same thing that I think “love” means because the very word it’s self isn’t quite a real thing.
It’s subjective. It’s personal.
If I point at a dog and say, “that’s a dog,” it’s not likely someone is going to disagree with me. A “dog” isn’t an subjective thing; it’s a specific thing.
But “love” isn’t the same thing.
“Love” is just a word we’ve invented to express feelings and emotions and desires and passions and the insanity of our actions when we do stupid things.
“Oh, he ran into that burning building to save his kids because he loves them.”
But the reality is that it doesn’t take love to run into a burning building… it takes a little bit of insanity. It takes a man who’s willing to ignore the logic that he’s going to hurt himself simply because his emotions dictate that the pain of losing his kids would actually feel worse than 3rd degree burns to his body.
His expected emotional pain supersedes his expected physical pain. He doesn’t “think” he just “reacts.” It’s pure emotions.
Love isn’t logical. It’s emotional. And like I always say, don’t trust your emotions.
Talking about “love” is like talking about heat. It’s subjective.
Does heat feel good?
When you’re cold and shivering heat feels AWESOME.
But when you’re sweating and exhausted and you have a fever, then heat feels AWFUL!
Love is the same. When you’re “in love” we tend to say we feel great, and when we fall “out of love” we tend to feel sad or lonely or disconnected.
It’s all subjective.

Rapport happens between people who share common beliefs and ideas, or who are willing to deeply listen to the beliefs and ideas of each other. There are VERY few things in this world as comforting as being truly heard.
We all desire it.
And it all starts when we’re little kids trying to get the attention of our parents or friends.
This is why being a good listener is a powerful dating skill… when a woman or a man truly feels like you’re feeling the same things they are they feel a deep comfort and connection with you. And if he/she returns the favor by actively listening to you talk and share then you’ll feel the same way.
It feels awesome.
Rapport makes us feel safe and comfortable, and connected. We can never loose that.

Attraction is a feeling of tension between two people, except instead of labeling that tension as negative we sometimes label it as attraction. Feeling nervous is like this… we can label it negatively or we can just say, “Oh, I’m excited!”
If tension is about mystery then rapport is about knowing everything. These two aspects of dating seem in conflict, but they work together to make couples “fall in love.”
Without attraction (tension, mystery, etc) then rapport leads to friendships, not sexual partnerships.
Attraction comes from the teasing, flirting, and playfulness.

Preventative Measures?

1) Learn how to be a good listener. Invite him/her to connect with you emotionally outside of the bedroom first. It’s YOUR job to listen to his/her troubles… not because they wants you to solve them – just to be available for your love to share with you. We all just want to be heard sometimes, so let the person truly feel heard when he/she’s talking to you. Develop intimacy outside of the bedroom.
2) If you feel you’re losing connection and rapport don’t panic. Simply be sincere and honest and thoughtful and hopeful. When in doubt, hear him/her out.
3) Take responsibility for yourself. It’s YOUR job to stay healthy, wealthy and wise. This means you need to always be trying to eat better, stay physically active, and mentally challenged. Keeping yourself healthy will help keep him/her attracted to you automatically. We’re all attracted to other people who do well, look good, and are fun to be around. Don’t lose your hunger to make yourself a better person. If you’re not busy living then you’re busy dying.
4) Surprise him/her more often. Not with gifts, although once in a blue moon is good, but by being unpredictable. Don’t be predictable, be surprising. Women/Men LOVE to be surprised, even by the smallest of things. Buy him/her something cute and have it wrapped. Do random fun things. Stay random.
5) Flirt. Let him/her know how hot he/she still is.
6) Resentment kills relationships. If he/she’s doing something that you can’t forgive them for, then address it. Then let it go. Every time the person accidently hurts you (maybe during a fight) it’s YOUR job to be honest about how it hurts you when he/she does it. You should ALWAYS feel comfortable being able to complain to your partner about what they do that you dislike because if you don’t vent, you will resent. It’s ALSO your job to let it go. Forgive, you may not forget but you must forgive. You can either be right, or you can be in love. Don’t fight trying to be right.

Hope this helps!

Hugs & Kisses
Indy

IT’S ALL ABOUT SELF LOVE TODAY BEFORE GIVING YOUR LOVE AWAY!

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
Ramona L. Anderson
1. Let yourself be completely alone.

Feel what it’s like to be truly alone with yourself.
Resist the urge to escape and find company, to leave yourself.
Stay with yourself in the present, and be curious with yourself. Notice how the air feels against your skin. Try to feel the presence of your body. You are alive. Isn’t it amazing?
Forgive yourself for anything you’ve blamed yourself for in the past, and feel free without the burden of what no longer exists (the past). Tell yourself that you forgive yourself.
Breathe. Slowly. Listen to your breath. Let it go, and with it, any negative feelings.
Whisper to yourself, “I am awesome. I am beautiful. I love myself.” Or scream it from the rooftops. That works, too.
Don’t just be accepting; be open and unconditionally loving towards yourself.
Love your faults and honor your strengths.
Get to know yourself. Journal or draw about yourself, what makes you happy, and what makes you so great, so spectacular. Pay attention to yourself.
Trust yourself. Who else can you trust better than yourself? You’re the only one who will always be there for you. You’re the only one you’ll always have. If it’s difficult, take time every day to trust yourself a little bit more.
Keep a positive attitude, look on the bright side, and think positively. When you feel yourself thinking negatively, don’t try to push it away forcefully; just be aware, and let it come and go. Focus on the positive aspect of situations.
Smile. Smile at your reflection and say hello. Smile at the world.

2. Make a list of what you would do for the person you love most, and then do those things for yourself. Alone.

Take yourself on a date. Go to the amusement park, go to a museum, and treat yourself as the loveliest, best date you’ve ever had.
Treat yourself to a lovely meal. Go out alone to eat at a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. Cook yourself a feast. Eat exactly what you want to eat, no matter how expensive it is (save up for this treat if you want). Be present for the meal. Chew slowly and enjoy every bit of the treat for yourself.
Go to the movie theater and watch a movie (in a genre that you love) by yourself. Yes, by yourself. (I did this for the premiere of Ghost Town and it was awesome being able to laugh and cry as much as I wanted!)
Take a long walk with yourself. Go to the park and look at all the creatures that live together in harmony. They don’t reject you or expect anything out of you. Or if you don’t like nature, take a stroll around the city alone, enjoying the sights and sounds.
Give yourself a beautiful present. Spend time making it special. You deserve it. (This is not an excuse to ignore your problems with retail therapy or by buying stuff. Create something spectacular and unique for yourself. On the other hand, if you never buy yourself anything, allow yourself to actually buy something you want for once.)
Write yourself a letter on beautiful stationery. Tell yourself why you love yourself, why you’re great. Keep the letter for times good and bad.

3. Take care of yourself– your body and your health.

Your body is a temple. Treat it like one. Evaluate what you choose to put into your temple. Does the food you eat nourish you, or does it make you feel like utter crap, like you have to have caffeine every 3 hours (or seconds)?
Don’t make your eating decisions based on what any diet book, magazine, or uninformed individual tells you. Choose foods that YOU love that make YOU feel good and give you the energy to have a great day. If this requires you to stop eating over processed junk food and start eating real, whole foods, so be it. Your body won’t just thank you later– your body will start thanking you right now.
At the same time, eat your cake, too– never deprive yourself. Simply consider making a dessert yourself instead of getting it from a fast food restaurant (or even many grocery stores– they usually have lists of artificial ingredients a mile long!). Make your own snacks.
Allow yourself to feel the parts of your body that you’ve rejected in the past. Touch them with love and tenderness and gentleness. Tell each of them how much you love them. For instance, if it’s your legs, say, “Thank you for even existing, so that I may walk and run and dance and travel and experience the world.”
Cancel subscriptions to magazines that make you feel like you are not good enough. Take the existing ones you own and spend a day tearing them apart if you’d like, and then recycling them. Throw out your diet books… into the recycling bin.
Get enough sleep. Turn off the computer or TV an hour before your bedtime, wind down, take a long bubble bath, and make sure you get enough rest so you’ll feel good throughout the next day.
Find a way to move your body (aka the dreaded “e” word) that you LOVE! If you don’t like the gym, don’t go to the gym. (If you do like the gym, keep on going!) Go on walks with friends, play tennis or basketball or any other sport with your family, go jogging with your dog!
Be conscious and aware… if you have any self-destructive behaviors (drinking/eating/smoking/etc. too much), don’t beat yourself up about them, but realize that you are making a choice to do something that might lead you to feel bad (physically or otherwise), and that you deserve much, much better than that.

4. Make YOU a priority.

Relax. Get a massage, go to the spa, take a bath. Spend at least one day (preferably per week) doing only what YOU want to do– no work, no thinking about what other people want you to do for them. Read a book or watch a movie.
Or simply, do nothing. Just sit or lie down. Zone out. Give yourself time and space not to have to do anything, even if it’s just five minutes.
Say some affirmations every day, if you want.
Respect yourself. Only settle for the absolute best, because that’s the bare minimum you deserve. Accept nothing less.
Refuse to allow anyone to treat you in any way that you wouldn’t treat your closest friend.
If you need to, cut people out of your life (or wean them off slowly) if they are anything less than respectful or loving towards you– even if you can’t imagine life without them because you’ve been friends for so long, or even if they’re family (if you can’t imagine doing that in the case of family, then only communicate when absolutely necessary). You are worth SO MUCH MORE than that.
Learn to say NO. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you– you are strong and powerful, and YOU control YOUR life. Don’t do anything someone else wants you to do just because they say you should. Don’t let others guilt you, either– refuse to put up with their crap.
Be kind to yourself when you falter. Love the fact that you aren’t perfect. It makes you (and your life) more interesting, after all! Forgive yourself.
Be kind to others. It’ll make YOU feel good, too!
Do what YOU love. If you don’t know what makes your heart flutter and your soul smile, take time for yourself to find out. Make it a priority for yourself to have time to do this activity and make yourself happy.
Write notes to yourself filled with self-love and inspiration, and post them in random places. Post them in places you always see– on your desk, on your front door, on the bathroom mirror, on the fridge– and even in places that’ll surprise you later on when you find them again.
You are a being filled to the brim with love and beauty, and you were born to love yourself. Act accordingly.

5. Stop waiting to love yourself.

“I’ll start trying to like myself when I… get a new job, eat like a rabbit, look like a plastic mannequin, find the perfect partner to love me so I won’t have to love myself…”

No.

Love yourself NOW.

The only time you have to be alive and THRIVING is RIGHT NOW.

HUGS & KISSES INDY

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Can We Have Freinds Of The Other Sex When In A Committed Relationship

Opposite-sex friendships are tricky and can be a direct threat to your relationship, but they don’t have to be. For most people, fear comes not from the friendship, but in keeping the friendship non-sexual; which can be difficult given that 90 percent of the time one of the individuals has experienced romantic feelings for his/her friend. Sometimes this is talked about and sometimes it isn’t, but the feelings are there.

But limiting our friendships with the opposite sex once you’re in a committed relatioship doesn’t allow us the richness and perspective that we can gain from a member of the opposite sex. With some foresight and consciousness, it’s possible to have friends of the opposite sex and keep your relationship strong and healthy. To make these relationships work and beat the odds, follow the opposite-sex friendship ground rules below:

Don’ts
1. No secrets! All parties should know each other and know about the friendship. If anything should change in the friendship, your spouse needs to know.

2. Time spent with the friend should never supersede time spent with your Boyfriend or girlfriend, unless there is a dire emergency.

3. Never make an agreement that can’t be changed. The agreement should always be negotiable, so that if the friendship isn’t working for your partner, it can always be modified or cancelled.

4. Never make your partner feel that he/she isn’t the most important relationship to you. This is basically uncharted territory, so be aware and sensitive of your partner’s feelings.

5. Never put your friend’s needs first. By keeping your partner as your number one priority, the mystery surrounding the friendship diminishes, and your spouse will more likely view the friend as a real person and not just a fantasy.

Dos
1. To ensure comfort and trust, there needs to be a high level of maturity and self-esteem with all involved. Evaluate this with your spouse and really talk about everyone’s concerns and fears.

2. Ground rules need to be established from the beginning, i.e., what’s okay and what’s not for all the people involved. For instance, is it okay for the friends to get together when you or your spouse is out of town? How much time is spent with the friend on a monthly basis? What do the friends do together? Is dancing okay? Is dinner okay? Each couple will have their own individual concerns and questions to consider.

3. Everyone needs to be in agreement that it’s okay for the friendship to take place. No one should be left out of the process.

4. The person having the friendship needs to have strong, clear personal boundaries and open communication with their partner and their friend. They need to be up front at all times with their boyfriend or girlfriend, letting him/her know when they’re seeing their friend, etc.

5. If the primary partner ever feels uncomfortable with the arrangement, he/she can speak up at any time. Their feelings and concerns need to be considered and taken seriously.

In theory, most couples want their partners to be happy and to have friends of the opposite sex. In reality, this can only happen by following ground rules. The main issues surrounding these friendships are usually jealousy and sex. If you can talk about your friend freely and make him/her a real person to your partner, there is less likelihood of these types of problems occurring. Keep the lines of communication open at all times with everyone involved. Be honest with yourself about your ability to have good boundaries, and clarity about what is appropriate in a friendship and your relationship. There are differences. As long as everything is out in the open and with appropriate ground rules, friendships with the opposite sex are possible.